#028 - What Does a NICU Father Carry When He Has to Hold Everyone Up?

Hello friends 👋

What does a NICU family need most: an explanation, or someone who simply shows up? In this episode of Beyond the Beeps, Leah sits down with Isaac Jonas, an economist from Abbotsford, British Columbia, whose son was born at 30 weeks and spent 48 days in the NICU. Isaac kept a daily journal that became his memoir, Every Day Counts. He shares how he held his family together while driving back and forth to the hospital with his older son, why a 98% survival figure steadied him, and the hidden costs of parking, meals, and lost routines. He reflects on the eight friends who showed up, learning to stop keeping a ledger of who didn’t, and why turning up matters more than explaining.

Link to episode on youtube: https://youtu.be/ZeWPJplBmR8

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Short Bio: Isaac jonas. Isaac Jonas is an economist and the founder of StreetWise Economics in Abbotsford, British Columbia. In August 2026 his younger son was born early and spent 48 days in the neonatal intensive care unit at Surrey Memorial Hospital. Isaac kept a record of those days, and it became his memoir, Every Day Counts: A Premature Son, a Broken Plan, and Eight Friends. He writes a weekly economics column, The Markets Mirror, and lives in Abbotsford, Canada with his wife and their two sons.

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The transcript of today's episode can be found below 👇

Leah MG Jayanetti (00:01.603)

Welcome back, everyone, to this next episode of Beyond the Beeps. Today I’m joined by a really special guest, Isaac Jonas. He is an economist and the founder of Streetwise Economics in Abbotsford, British Columbia. Just a few months ago, in August 2026, his younger son was born prematurely and spent 48 days in the neonatal intensive care unit at Surrey Memorial Hospital.

Isaac kept a record of those days, and it became his memoir, Every Day Counts: A Premature Son, a Broken Plan, and Eight Friends. He writes a weekly economics column, The Markets Mirror, and lives in Abbotsford, Canada, with his wife and their two sons. I feel so fortunate to have been in Isaac’s world this last week as I read his book and sat with it, and I’ve been looking forward to sitting down with him today, sharing his beautiful thoughts, perspectives, and wisdom with you, and asking him all the questions I had while reading. Welcome, Isaac.

Isaac Jonas (01:21.112)

Thank you, Leah, and hello to the audience. Thank you so much for inviting me. I really appreciate it.

Leah MG Jayanetti (01:29.837)

This is really very special. I have the book here, and those watching the recording will probably see me shuffling a lot of papers, because I have pages and pages of thoughts, notes, and questions. It is such a beautifully written memoir. All of you should go ahead and read it, and we’re going to make it available in our NICUs for our families to read. It is written in the moment. What was the impetus for you to start writing?

Isaac Jonas (02:06.537)

Initially, I didn’t plan to write a book. My wife was admitted to the hospital for 10 days before our son was born on the 2nd of August. Our eldest son wasn’t allowed to spend the night in the hospital, so every time I drove back to Abbotsford with him, I would reflect and rewind when I got home. I was a man who was fearful, trying to download and process what was going on. So I started writing down my thoughts, those experiences, and the conversations I had with people, even though I didn’t specifically record or name the people I was meeting in the hospital. Going to the hospital became our life. Every day I would write in my Google document: How did I feel? What actually happened?

Then, after 43 days, I thought this was something I could record and read, hopefully 10 years later. More importantly, it could be a letter to my two sons, so that should they ever find themselves in this situation, and I hope they won’t, they will have a road map to help them navigate this storm from their father’s own experience. My wife was also part of this story in a very big way. Even though she’s media shy, she was right behind it, editing and giving me comments after we discussed the idea of turning the journals from these experiences into a book. So that’s how it came about.

Leah MG Jayanetti (04:35.831)

It’s a beautiful memoir and letter, not just to your sons, and there is a letter directly to your sons at the end that I want to talk about later. To me, it also felt like a letter to anyone who has ever cared, or didn’t know that they might. It is profound, very approachable, very easy to read, and very easy to connect with. I really love the in-the-moment experience. You say regularly, “I’m writing this from inside. I’m writing this to you inside right now.”

I want to talk a little about something you just mentioned. You have an older son, a new baby, your wife, and yourself. There was a page where it felt like you were balancing being a father to both boys and a husband, all in the same moment, when you had to hold everybody up. How was that for you?

Isaac Jonas (06:06.669)

In the moment, I had to tell myself that I was the only family member who could hold the whole family together. I had to make sure our elder son understood things and that I was there for him, because he didn’t understand what was happening to his mother. I could tell he was very confused, especially when my wife went to surgery.

On the second day my wife was in the hospital, I drove back home to Abbotsford, which is 50 kilometers from Surrey Memorial Hospital. I remember it was around 8 p.m., and he said, “Where is Mama?” I said, “Mama is in the hospital.” He said, “I want Mama.” In that moment, I tried to imagine what was going through his mind. He was confused. He was used to seeing Mama come home from work, and the previous day he had said, “Let’s go home,” and we went home, but Mama didn’t show up because she was in the hospital.

So I did something an economist would not have done. I said, “Okay, you want Mama.” We tried a quick video call, but he wasn’t having any of that. So I said, “Okay, let’s go see Mama.” We drove back to Surrey Memorial Hospital, another 50 kilometers. He saw his mother and was happy. We stayed about two hours, and around 11 p.m. he said, “Let’s go home, Daddy.” We got back in the car and drove back. By the time we got back to Abbotsford, that was at least 200 kilometers. But he was happy, and I got a sense that he understood what was happening.

So, to answer your question specifically, I decided to take one day at a time, because every day counted toward a better situation for us. I realized there was so much we couldn’t control. I discussed this with my wife: there’s a difference between the things we can control and the things we can’t. In this case, the medical team was the one largely in control of the situation. I’m also someone who has faith, so beyond the scientific aspect, I had to trust that God was in control. It was complex, but I just did what I could do and took one day at a time.

Leah MG Jayanetti (09:38.743)

I think we’re very fortunate to see change: fathers being more engaged in early infancy and early childhood, and in hospitals. I’m very grateful for that change in society. That’s a grand statement, of course. There have always been dads involved from the beginning, but now a larger share of fathers are present at the bedside. Unfortunately, that didn’t come with better support for fathers. It’s not as if dads are now showing up and we’re giving them the support they need.

At one point, you said it took 10 days for you to say, “Well, this is too much.” You’re pushing yourself back and forth to the hospital, being a father to your son and your new baby, a husband to your wife, and showing up for yourself. How did you allow yourself to take a step back in that moment? What was the motivator?

Isaac Jonas (11:09.281)

The motivator was realizing how little control I had over the situation. Once I realized that, I asked myself how best to handle it. The first important thing was to make sure I stayed sane. I made sure I was available for my son, who was also trying to understand what was going on, because the rhythm of his day-to-day life was disrupted. He was used to going to daycare Monday to Friday. His mother would drop him off, and I would pick him up. Now his days were unplanned, and he could see that something was going on with Mama. For the first 10 days, while my wife was admitted, his face would light up whenever we went to the hospital. As my wife would say, he looked forward to sharing the hospital meal with his mother.

That’s when I understood the situation. More importantly, the medical team explained that an unborn child is at a formative stage, where every day counts. Every day the baby stayed in his mother’s womb, his development was advancing. So we thought that was the best place for him to be. For almost seven days, they tried to delay the birth, but on the 2nd of August things changed, and he had to come into this world. That was the reality we had to accept and embrace. From then on, the days were different, and we took one day at a time.

Leah MG Jayanetti (13:55.863)

You’re an economist, as we said in the introduction, and I hear that throughout. It’s a wonderful perspective to have. At The Incubator, they talk a lot about how the medical team, what we’d call the NICU team here, needs to know more about parents. Parents aren’t just parents. They’re people who come to the NICU through no fault of their own, with a whole world behind them. Maybe they work in medicine, maybe they’re mechanics, teachers, economists, influencers, or financial planners. This economic perspective was wonderful to read, and I think it will be very helpful for our providers who are listening and for our families. You write that, in the beginning, you were soothed by numbers, or that you turned to numbers frequently. What facts or figures helped you?

Isaac Jonas (15:11.629)

The key figure I got from a member of the NICU team was that the survival rate in Canada for babies who go to the NICU was, I think, 98%. As an economist, I thought, “Okay, it’s almost a 100% chance that our child is going to survive.” But they also explained that there’s a chance things could go the other way.

I remember one day I went to Surrey Memorial. After 10 days, my wife had been discharged and came home, and I had to deliver her pumped milk to our son in the NICU at Surrey, before he was transferred to Abbotsford, our nearby regional hospital. When I got there, he was in bad shape that day. I remember walking out of the NICU feeling there was a real chance we might lose our son. Sometimes when they have jaundice, they have those lights on...

Leah MG Jayanetti (16:50.221)

Yes, the blue lights.

Isaac Jonas (17:04.735)

Yes. I walked out, got myself together in the car, and drove. One thing I would usually do was call my mum while I was driving, on speakerphone through the car. It really helped, because we were just talking. I didn’t tell her he was in really bad shape, because my mum is in Zimbabwe. We’re an immigrant family here in Canada. So that number gave me strength: there was still a very good chance.

The second number was cost. Once our son was in Abbotsford, I remember driving with my wife and saying we were very fortunate that our son was born in the right country, because this country was allowing him to survive. I asked my wife to check how much it would have cost for her to be in the hospital for 10 days. The numbers were in the range of $80,000 to $100,000. I thought, how many people have $100,000 in savings to absorb that shock? Then there was the cost of staying in the NICU for one day: I think about $19,000 a day on the high end and around $3,000 on the low end. I thought, wow. We didn’t know how long he was going to be in the hospital.

As an economist, I had to reconcile those numbers and say: we’re fortunate to be in Canada. As much as the health care system has things we feel could be improved, in that moment it really worked for us. We also had extended health insurance, and my understanding is that every resident of British Columbia is covered for basic health care needs. Those numbers shocked me, but I was comforted that I didn’t expect to get a bill at the end of the whole process. So our focus shifted toward giving our child the best attention, rather than worrying about financial catastrophe after he was discharged.

Leah MG Jayanetti (20:00.045)

You talk a lot about cost. I’ll try to say it best: you said the cost is that financial issues have to enter the medical room at all. That’s a really profound statement. You draw a distinction among three places: Canada, the United States, where The Incubator is based, and Zimbabwe, and how big the differences are. Even where medical care is covered, or in the United States, where it should be but isn’t, there’s something else you bring up that I think is really important. It’s not necessarily medical bankruptcy, but a functional bankruptcy that comes from the cost of everything insurance doesn’t cover.

Isaac Jonas (21:02.903)

Yes. We realized very early that costs were going to add up. Even parking was $16 a day on average. And because of all the disruption, I couldn’t make proper meals. By the time I got home with my son, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t cook. So we ended up buying food, and I watched that money come out of my credit card. I’m the kind of person who likes to pay off the credit card right after I use it, and the need was very immediate.

That prompted me to research how we could save money. I found that the provincial government, which in the U.S. would be the state, has an option for NICU parents where parking fees are waived. That was a huge relief. Think about it: 10 days for my wife and then 48 days, so 58 days. If you’re paying, say, $20 a day, that’s a huge bill just for parking. Then add food: if you’re spending, say, $50 a day on breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I’m being conservative, that’s another cost, before you even include other things like medicines that are needed from time to time.

Leah MG Jayanetti (23:25.399)

It’s such a comprehensive experience. It takes over everything in your life, and everyone’s lives in that space. You gave us some great examples of things that helped. One I’d like you to say more about is when you looked at your son and thought he was so small. He was born at 30 weeks, and you thought, “That baby is too small.” What did the nurse say to you?

Isaac Jonas (24:08.917)

When my wife went for surgery, someone from the medical team who took her for the emergency C-section came back and said, “Congratulations, you have a big baby boy.” I said, “Okay, thank you.” They explained that the baby had been taken directly to the NICU and that my wife was in the recovery room. It was just us: my wife, our elder son, and me. We didn’t have other family members here, which was another challenge. I had to stay behind with my son and call an elder from our church, and then other friends, whom I describe in the book, came to take care of him. That allowed me to go be with my wife.

When I then went to the NICU to see my son, I thought, “He’s so tiny.” I told the NICU team, and they explained that I was used to seeing full-term babies, so my reference point was a full-term baby. Relative to his age, born 10 weeks early, he was actually above average, because he weighed 1,300 grams. I don’t know what that would be in pounds.

Leah MG Jayanetti (26:31.139)

We use grams here too, it’s okay. In the NICU, we’re familiar with grams.

Isaac Jonas (26:32.853)

That gave me some perspective. I thought, “Okay, for his age, he’s a big baby. That’s good.” Then they started explaining corrected age, and we started seeing consistent weight gain, and it began to make sense. Day to day, I didn’t see a difference at first. But over time, because we were told about the weight gain or loss every day, we realized he was growing, and that he was a good size. That gave my wife and me the perspective that this was normal, the average weight for a baby his age. It calmed me a bit.

Leah MG Jayanetti (27:41.901)

The other side of that: at some point, did keeping those ledgers and balances become a problem for you? Did you find you needed to adjust your regular economic mindset of keeping score?

Isaac Jonas (28:13.567)

Yes. I quickly realized I was not an economist. I was a father. A father had to be available when our eldest son needed attention: when we were driving, when he was looking at trucks through the car window, when he was asking questions about his mother. That was a very important transformation. I just had to be a father, a husband, and a dad to the newborn son we had welcomed. That really took away my forecasting mind.

Also, I couldn’t have forecast some of the phone calls we got from the hospital. At one point the doctor called and said, “His hemoglobin is low. We need consent to give him a transfusion,” and we had to rush to the hospital. Another time, the doctor called and said there had been an event on the monitor and it took about six minutes to resuscitate him. It was very painful to hear, but I realized, “Okay, now this makes sense. This is why they’re in a neonatal intensive care unit. They’re monitoring every second, every movement.” We realized our son was in the best place to get the best care, rather than at home.

At first it felt strange when people congratulated us on our son when we hadn’t brought him home. It was a mix of emotions. But the reality was that he had to be where he needed to be to get the best care. So we reconciled that and said, “We’re not going to think about when he should come home. We just want the best for him.” Every day counts. Every day in the NICU, he’s gaining weight. They’re monitoring him, doing all the bloodwork, and making sure he’s growing the way he should be in the incubator.

Leah MG Jayanetti (31:09.517)

Those calls are really hard. I imagine, as all our families say, your heart drops when you have to make sense of what’s on the other end of that line. And being so far away from him for most of his NICU stay, that distance is really hard.

Isaac Jonas (31:41.556)

It was. When we saw a call was from the hospital, and particularly from the doctor, it was so scary, to be honest. The best thing for us each time was to drive to the hospital right away and be there.

Leah MG Jayanetti (32:13.827)

You talk a lot about help, care, and people, and the phrase you use is “turning up,” showing up, being present. Let’s stay with you in that moment, when you get that call, or when you’re exhausted and recognize, “I need to do better for myself.” What did you do to keep Isaac going? What did you change in your habits, or what did you reinforce?

Isaac Jonas (32:53.837)

First, the medical team was very transparent and, I can say confidently, very honest with us. I asked them, “Please just tell us the truth each time. If you call and we have to come, tell us right away.” They said, “We’ll tell you the truth, and please feel free to come anytime. You don’t need an appointment. Come see your baby and spend time with your child. This is your baby. We’re just here to support you.” Their presence, and watching them demonstrate their expertise, was marvelous and reassuring.

We realized we needed to sleep when we came home. Once my wife was discharged, our routine was: wake up, get ready, and drop our elder son at daycare. Fortunately, once our baby was in Abbotsford, the hospital was very close to the daycare, about five minutes. We’d be at the hospital around 9:30 or 10 and spend the whole day there until 4:30. I used to joke with my wife that she would spend the entire time just sitting there holding him and cuddling him. To be honest, at first I was too scared to hold him. She was brave enough to do it, and she even helped bathe him.

I also had to work, so I would go down to the hospital cafeteria and work on my laptop. Fortunately, there was Wi-Fi. At night, when we came home, we had to sleep, knowing the medical team was taking very good care of our child. That became our routine. If anything terrible happened, they would definitely call us, as they did twice. That really helped. If we didn’t sleep properly, it would only get worse. Of course, my phone was always on ring. Usually it’s on silent, but at that time I slept right next to it and checked it regularly. Over time, I got used to the routine and slept well.

Leah MG Jayanetti (36:10.701)

That’s understandable. As parents going through this, all our attention goes to our babies. We’re hyper-focused, and you had another child, so you were dividing that. I’m really pleased to hear you talk about the things you can control and the things you can’t, and how important it is to be able to come back the next day as fully as you can. “I can’t be awake 24 hours, so what I can control is getting my sleep, so I feel better when I show up next time.” Or taking care of your older son so you can do this part. Or making sure you all eat before a long drive, so you’re not running on fumes. I suppose it’s part of your economist brain: you can’t pour from an empty cup. You’ve got to fill it up.

You also talk a lot in this book, which matters to me as a caregiver, about the people who showed up, whether friends, strangers, groups, or providers. It’s really profound. You talk about times you asked for help and it didn’t come, times you didn’t know you needed it and it showed up, and, importantly, the decision to accept it. How did you get to that point?

Isaac Jonas (38:00.629)

To give your listeners some background: when people reach out to me, I usually drop whatever I’m doing and try to help as much as I can, whether they want to talk or need help. I think, subconsciously, I expected the same of others. So when this situation was unfolding, I wrote a message and shared it, mostly on WhatsApp, saying, “This is the situation I’m dealing with.” What surprised me was that very few people responded. I don’t say this to disparage anyone or to say they’re bad people. As I soon realized, some people were going through other things at that time.

But the eight people who showed up taught me a great lesson: the presence you give other people can brighten them, even in their most vulnerable or darkest moments, as we were. We have one car, and my wife had driven it to work when her water broke. The friend I called to take us to the hospital just showed up. She didn’t ask questions. I said, “We need to go to the hospital. Can you pick us up?” In less than 30 minutes, she was here. Recently she came again. I won’t name names, but she just said, “I want to come and help,” and she came and helped us clean the house. She’s that kind of person, who gives without asking questions.

Then there was the elder from our church. He was in the middle of the church service when I called because I needed someone to stay with my son while my wife went to surgery. He dropped everything and showed up. He told me he forgot his wallet and didn’t even pay for parking. He took that risk and came. The first thing he said was, “My brother, there are things within our control and things beyond our control. Can you please close the door and say some words of prayer?” We prayed for wisdom for the medical team operating on my wife. In that moment, I saw that my elder son was calmed by the situation and by his presence.

That man has a very kind heart. Another time, before we had our younger son, my wife had a minor cosmetic surgery, and the hospital had strict rules: they wouldn’t let her go home unless someone signed her out. Our elder son wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed home with him. I asked this elder, and he said, “Sure.” He was supposed to go to the airport about four hours later to travel to Zimbabwe, but he showed up, took my son and me, and we drove to the hospital and brought my wife home. That’s the kind of person he is. I can only try to emulate him and pray that God gives him more life, because people like him are very rare in the community.

There was also a couple I knew from the University of British Columbia, where I did my graduate studies. I told him about our situation, and he said, “My wife and I will come and see you.” They came on a Saturday and brought us food. I don’t think they realized how important that was, because we didn’t have time to make proper meals. He, his wife, and their five-year-old daughter came, and my son loved playing with their daughter. They were very thoughtful and brought some toys.

Initially, the medical team said they would try to delay the birth, and for about a week it seemed to be working, until August 2nd, when our son was born. So I told this couple, “This is the situation. My wife has to go to surgery. Can you come be with my son?” They said, “Give us a few minutes, we’ll be there.” They came and played with my son. I’m describing this because, to me, it was the epitome of what real friends do. They show up. They give you their full presence. They stop what they’re doing, when they could be doing something else. And I realized I actually needed help, because when they took my son to play with their daughter, I could help my wife. She had just had surgery and needed that attention, and I couldn’t have given it to her if I also had to take care of our elder son.

Those are examples of the people who showed up. Some people did message, but on reflection, I realized a lot of people didn’t ask the right questions. When we talked to other parents, they would say, “It’s been 75 days of us driving from Abbotsford to Surrey Memorial, and people don’t ask how we’re doing.” I guess they didn’t know the right questions. As we learned, if you’re not careful, you can become isolated, and then the risk is depression. The right questions, in our case, were simple: How is the baby doing? How are you doing? How are you taking care of yourselves? Is there anything you need? We learned that through the whole experience.

Leah MG Jayanetti (46:36.045)

It’s interesting, from the economic perspective, that you had a balance sheet always running: the financial cost, the emotional cost, the growth. And then there’s this human cost, the humans who go into it, and most of what you’re talking about is free. Technically, we don’t have to pay for it with dollars. I appreciate that you put a value on it despite it having no financial value.

Throughout this book, you say, “I don’t have this fully worked out yet. I’m writing this in the middle of it, not from the far side.” I love the repetition of that. I wouldn’t say you’re on the far side now. The far side will be when we talk again in five or ten years. But you are on the other side of it. What do you make of the experience?

Isaac Jonas (47:48.908)

The experience was very much enriched when we were able to bring our son home. Now I can hold him and look at him. He’s so funny, smiling at you. I’m not sure he understands what it means for us as parents. Sometimes he just stares at me and smiles. He’s doing those reflexes, of course. For us, the reality of holding him, watching him sleep, and taking care of him was very important, because, as I said, it felt strange to be congratulated on welcoming our baby while he was still in the hospital.

Now we’re enjoying watching him grow. The medical team checks in from time to time. Yesterday they were here to ask if we needed any support and to see how he’s doing, and, more importantly, how my wife is doing, because you don’t realize how grueling this experience can be. A lot can potentially go wrong. I’ve heard of close family members who died giving birth, especially in Zimbabwe. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen anywhere else, just giving examples from my friends and family. So this experience was immeasurably good, and it enriched us. Now we’re a complete family, together.

More importantly, our eldest son really loves his brother. Each time the baby cries, he rushes over and asks, “Is he okay?” and says, “He’s cute.” This is a nearly four-year-old being caring and protective of his younger brother. It really warms my heart. So on the other side, it feels good.

We also feel enriched because I came to appreciate the whole ecosystem of the hospital. There were older women, and I say this respectfully, who came to cuddle babies, not just ours. Imagine someone waking up and going to the hospital because they realize other parents with babies in the NICU may have to work, and studies show babies need those snuggles and cuddles. Of course, they’re vetted to make sure everything is above board. At Abbotsford, I also saw someone who comes to play the piano, because the atmosphere in the hospital can be heavy. Some people were crying.

When I look back, I couldn’t have asked for a better learning experience. As I mention in the book, when I spoke to other people, I realized some were traveling 300 kilometers a day to check on their father in the intensive care unit. I realized I was not alone. Other people were going through challenging times too. I’m not belittling our own situation, but for a moment I felt that we’re in this together. That’s the nature of life: you go through situations, and you have to handle them as well as you can.

Leah MG Jayanetti (52:44.151)

You used the phrase “the practical shape of what a family is actually going through,” whether a NICU family or someone sitting in the hospital lobby. You say so beautifully, without comparing suffering, that you never know what someone is going through, and most of it is invisible. It’s when we’re on the inside that we start to see it in others. I’m so grateful you saw that as connecting, as collective care, which I believe is what our society needs. That’s the human cost. That’s what it means to be human and part of a community. One positive moment I’d like you to say more about: the folks traveling so far to be with their father. When you heard he got better, you felt a sense of relief.

Isaac Jonas (54:04.919)

Life can be funny. I kept meeting this couple at almost the exact same spot on our way into the hospital. We started off just nodding at each other on the second day, and then we started having conversations. They told me their father wasn’t doing well. It became an expectation: when I got to the hospital, I’d joke with my wife, “I’m going downstairs to see my friends.” We shared our experiences, and I just hoped and wished their father would get better. Those conversations were so heartwarming.

Another thing I wanted to share: there was one person, whom I won’t identify, whom I reached out to later, once things got better. He told me he hadn’t wanted to belittle my experience, because as we talked, I realized he had gone through far worse with his own wife. It made me realize that even the people who didn’t respond had a reason. That gave me an even stronger reason to be grateful, both for the people who showed up and for those who didn’t, because they taught me not to keep a ledger.

I like the world of investing. The late Charlie Munger, the renowned investor, or maybe it was Warren Buffett, said that if you want to be happy in life, you have to lower your expectations. Not that you can’t have high expectations, but if you don’t want to be disappointed, you have to lower them. So rather than keeping a ledger of who showed up, I really appreciated the people who did. I could not have done it without them.

I also mention family friends who flew all the way from California. They had other business here, but the wife came during her lunch break to be with my wife. I could see my wife really appreciated it, and she admitted to me that sometimes you just need people you’re close to who you can talk to. If you don’t get that, you can imagine how it could have turned out for us. I’m really grateful for those friends. In the book, I write that they came to Abbotsford after work, and coincidentally it was the same day my wife was discharged. They brought food for us. We didn’t know our elder son had an allergy, and after eating that food, he got sick and we had to rush him to the hospital.

Leah MG Jayanetti (58:29.411)

My goodness.

Isaac Jonas (58:29.573)

That was another situation. I remember we lost one of my son’s shoes. We were at the hospital for about two hours. The medical team was very helpful. It was very scary, because I could see my son reacting to the allergy, but they handled it. From that experience, we did further tests, and now we know which foods he’s not supposed to eat.

Leah MG Jayanetti (59:04.055)

But those people came and stayed. They didn’t get frightened. They asked, “How can we keep being here and be present?”

Isaac Jonas (59:11.981)

They stayed until past midnight, even though they had work the next day, and drove home just after midnight. That shows how much love they have for us. It makes me emotional. I realized that in life, some people are just there and show up when you need them most. For me, the lesson is that I should do the same for others, because their presence made our very difficult situation a much, much better experience.

Leah MG Jayanetti (59:57.015)

In the book, you conclude with letters to your sons. Do you have your book next to you? Instead of me reading the part I want, maybe you could read it for us. It’s a very short passage, but I think it’s one of the most profound in the book, on page 83.

Isaac Jonas (01:01:21.151)

“If you ever find yourself with somebody frightened and small in your care, and you have a choice between explaining and turning up, turn up. Explaining is for people who already feel safe.”

Leah MG Jayanetti (01:01:40.889)

This is so profound to me, not just for your children, but for all of us as humans, and particularly those of us on the medical team. Our families may not be small, but they feel small. They feel powerless. They’re new here, they’re young. They’re premature parents, because they weren’t supposed to be parents until, say, October. It shows me that we need to turn up. We need to demonstrate and show, not just explain. You did that for your son when he needed to see his mother. That explanation was physical. You seem to do it throughout, and it’s what those eight friends did for you. I hope those of us in the NICU support world, and our providers, can do better and turn up. When our NICU parents don’t feel safe, it’s not the time to be explained to. It’s the time to be shown.

Isaac Jonas (01:03:23.979)

Yes. Some things just didn’t make sense, and the risk could be getting into the thought process of “Why is this happening to me, of all people?” Once you get into that, you can go down the rabbit hole. People’s presence can distract you, and you end up having conversations like the ones I had with other people. In the process, I think we walked out of the hospital with richer experiences than when we first walked in.

Leah MG Jayanetti (01:04:15.012)

Isaac, you are a gem, a jewel in our world. I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to read your book and be in your life a little bit, and I hope to continue. If there’s a family right now driving back and forth, or sitting at their baby’s bedside, is there any additional wisdom you’d like to share with them directly?

Isaac Jonas (01:04:46.795)

Yes. What helped us navigate this was realizing and appreciating that our child was in the best place he could be. If he had been at home, we wouldn’t have been able to provide the monitoring and support he got in the NICU. That’s point number one. Number two, realizing what we could and couldn’t control helped us not stress over the things the medical team would do. There was a place for science, a place for us to carry our baby, and a place for empathy. Once we realized that, it even improved our ability to sleep peacefully at home, which made it so much better when we went back to the hospital.

The last point: if people don’t show up as you expect, they may be going through far worse situations than yours. So don’t take it personally. Just take one day at a time. As my book title says, every day counts. It counts toward a place where things will be better. That’s what I can say in conclusion. And when people read the book, please give me an honest review. That would really help me get feedback on how the book is affecting people, like you shared, Leah. Thank you so much for inviting me to the show.

Leah MG Jayanetti (01:06:52.609)

It has truly been a pleasure. I’ve looked forward to sitting with each of your daily entries, and I look forward to sharing the book with other families, who I believe will feel seen and well guided by it. My last question before I let you go: we use the word “hope” a lot in what we do. What does that word mean to you?

Isaac Jonas (01:07:27.885)

For me, hope is the substance of things turning out the way I wanted or wished. I hoped we would hold our son and bring him home. During our NICU days, we had the hope that we would bring him home. I’m glad that hope was granted, and we have him. I think hope is like a balm, something that can help you heal when you’re going through a very difficult moment, because without hope, you would likely fall into depression. Hope can be a cure for that, even in a period of distress, because you hope you’ll be able to cross to the other side. Without hope, it can be very difficult to get out of a situation. So hope is very important. Thank you.

Leah MG Jayanetti (01:09:04.418)

Isaac Jonas, Every Day Counts, this beautiful, amazing book. We’ll have the link in our show notes, and I look forward to sitting with you again soon. To the families out there, perhaps sitting in the car park, the parking lot, or the garage, as many of our families do, especially our dads, making sense of the day, or maybe up late at night at your baby’s bedside: Isaac and I want you to know that you are not alone. I look forward to sitting with you again soon. Take gentle care, everyone.

Isaac Jonas (01:09:46.328)

Thank you. Thank you so much.

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