#316 - The Baby Bonding Book – Dr. Joanna Parga-Belinkie on Connecting with Your Newborn

Hello friends 👋

In this special Tech Tuesday episode of The Incubator Podcast, Ben and Daphna sit down with Dr. Joanna Parga-Belinkie—neonatologist, author, and co-host of the AAP’s Pediatrics on Call podcast. They dive into her new book, The Baby Bonding Book: Connecting with Your Newborn, a resource designed to demystify early parenting through a blend of evidence-based guidance and real-world experience.

Joanna shares how her background in neonatology and her work in both NICU and newborn nursery settings shaped the stories and structure of the book. The conversation highlights the overwhelming amount of information modern parents face, and how the book’s approachable format aims to reduce stress and empower bonding. The team discusses the science behind early relational health, how clinicians can better support families, and the importance of maintaining humanity in both parenting and medical practice.

Whether you’re a parent, provider, or someone interested in pediatric health communication, this episode offers insights into bridging clinical knowledge with compassionate storytelling—and why it’s critical for both family well-being and professional growth.

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Short Bio:  Dr. Joanna Parga-Belinkie is an associate professor of pediatrics and clinical neonatologist at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) and the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania (HUP). She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and co-host of their flagship podcast Pediatrics On Call. She lives in Philadelphia with her husband and three children.

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The transcript of today's episode can be found below 👇

Ben Courchia:Hello, everybody. Welcome back to The Incubator podcast. We are back today for a special episode that we are recording with a co-podcaster guest. Daphna is here in the studio as well. Daphna, how are you this morning?

Daphna Yasova Barbeau, MD:Doing well, this is gonna be fun.

Ben Courchia:Yeah, it's going to be fun. We're joined by Dr. Joanna Parga-Belinkie. Joanna, welcome to the podcast.

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MD:Thank you so much for having me here, guys.

Ben Courchia:People should know who you are at this point. I mean, you are a household name. You are an associate professor of pediatrics and clinical neonatology at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. You are a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and a co-host of their flagship podcast, Pediatrics on Call. You live in Philadelphia with your husband and three kids. It's a pleasure to finally have you on.

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MD:I know! I was so excited about this because I listen to you guys all the time. I was just telling Daphna that I gave one of your podcasts to one of my fellows last week when we were talking about respiratory support for a preemie. So for me, I'm like, it's good to be here with you guys. You guys are the real stars in neonatology. This is such an honor.

Ben Courchia:The pleasure and honor is definitely ours. And we're excited to have you on the podcast today for the release of a brand-new book that you've authored called The Baby Bonding Book: Connecting with Your Newborn. It's a great read. And I had a lot of fun just like highlighting a bunch of quotes and concepts. I'm very excited to talk to you about this. I'm going to let Daphna kick us off and then I have my list of things that I want to go through.

Daphna Yasova Barbeau, MD:Me too. I'm recognizing like all of a sudden it's occurring to me that my very first podcast debut was on your podcast, not the AAP podcast, your first podcast where we talked about delivery types. It's obvious to me as someone who's known you for a long time that this book has been a long time coming. You had the thought and you've been working towards it.

My first question is really, what did you feel the need was? Why did you feel well suited as a neonatologist? How can we encourage other people to do the same thing? Reach out to the lay public.

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MD:Well, you mentioned an old podcast I used to do that was called Baby Doctor Mamas, and that I did with Dr. Diana Montoya-Williams, another prominent neonatologist, but also my college roommate, lifelong friend, and now co-worker. That podcast was all about us being new moms. We, at that point, each only had one child. Now she has two and I have three. We felt that there was this space that we needed more approachable conversation about baby topics. That was really what we were trying to do with the podcast. And Daphna, you are a 100% right that that informed the writing of this book because there is so much information out there for parents. It can be really overwhelming and it is stressful for parents. Back in 2024, the surgeon general put out a notice that parents are super stressed. And I think a part of that is there's so much access to all this information that they feel like they have to be an expert in caring for their baby. They have to know exactly what to do about vaccines. They have to know exactly what to do for their postpartum period. They have to have a birth plan. Parents are feeling all this anxiety.

I really wanted to make something that was really approachable, that was narrative-based and story-based. It took a long time and a lot of thought. I encourage other neonatologists to do that because we need good communicators out there making content that is really accessible to people. And as a neonatologist, that informed a lot of the stories in the book, but I also work in the newborn nursery. So I also see a high volume of new parents and babies, and these babies are well. I didn't do that, by the way, until I became an attending. So in my training, you know, of course, back in pediatric residency, I did a well-baby rotation, but it was like a few weeks. And then, I did NICU for three years, all the procedures, all the intensity. Then I went back to the nursery as an attending. And it is wild. In some ways, it's more stressful, I think, than being in the NICU. So for any general pediatricians that listen to this podcast, good for you. I think that that really informed the book too, because there's these two sides of medicine that I do in the hospital.

Daphna Yasova Barbeau, MD:Agreed. It takes me about an hour to do a baby in the newborn nursery. I want to highlight the chapters in the book because I actually think you did something quite clever. The chapters are: Running to the Start Line: Parenting Before Baby Arrives; A Delivery; Your Placental Relationship; Let's Get Physical; Testing One, Two, Three; Finding Your Milk Way; You're Getting Sleepy, Very Sleepy; I'm Not Crying, You're Crying…But Why?; Eat, Sleep, Poop, Build Exponential Neuronal Networks, Repeat; Milestones Markers: Visiting your Pediatrician. And the last chapter, Chapter 11, is Baby Bonding—despite the book title being Bonding With Your Baby.

I think what was so clever was that all of those pieces of medical information and empowering parents is helping them bond with their baby, even though the last chapter is what I think people probably imagine the whole book to be about. Was that intentional by design? What was your thought when you sat down to write this?

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MD:I feel like so many parents just don't think that they're enough. They think that they need to have either all this information or all these things to be able to take care of baby. I really wanted parents to be able to have good information, be able to access it, but also realize that even with all the information at the end of the day, at the end of the book, it's really about you and relationships. There is so much science behind safe, stable, nurturing relationships and growth of the brain and also growth of resiliency and relationships and school performance later in life. I feel like we just don't tell parents that they're enough, enough.

And so I really wanted them to know that there is this deep science in relationship building and in how you connect with your newborn and the importance of that. Because again, our modern lives are so busy with so much noise and so much information and advice. And when you break it all down, it comes down to how intentional are you about connecting with your baby?

When you are intentional and you spend the time and you give that physical part of yourself and also that mental part of yourself, it makes a big difference in how that baby's brain grows. It makes a big difference in how they're laying the foundation for their neuronal connections and their ultimate brain growth.

I really wanted to give good information, but also to give permission for families to just take some time out and hang out with their baby. And what I really envision is that you might be sitting with your baby reading this book to them at night, even though they didn’t even understand any of the chapters. Because in the simple act of reading and talking to your baby, you're making that connection and building their brain. I really wanted it to be something entertaining, but also enlightening, and have parents realize that their attention and focus and desire to have a good relationship is what's paramount in baby's health and thriving and growth.

Daphna Yasova Barbeau, MD:Yeah, I love that. For example, you had a whole chapter about the physical exam. At first, it struck me as quite interesting, and then I realized—especially in the NICU, but even for healthy babies in the nursery—parents see someone examine their baby 10, 15 times over the course of that first year, and they have no idea what we’re doing. Going to the pediatrician becomes such a big part of their lives, but they don’t know what we’re looking for. I thought it was such a unique way of empowering parents with medical information that was comprehensive, yet simple enough to manage. There were some cute pictures and diagrams too, so parents could really understand what’s going on.

We don’t always do that. You mention in the book; when you're talking about the diaper area, that we often don’t explain to parents what we’re doing. It can feel like we’re doing things to their baby without permission. I really liked how you showed that, as neonatal professionals, we can improve trust with parents by talking about what we’re doing—just like we would with a medical student or trainee. I love how you put it in book format, so parents have that information. Why did you pick the physical exam?

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MD:As I mature in my practice, I’ve become much more intentional about building relationships with families. The healthcare system in the U.S. is very problem-based—we’re good when there's an issue, but not as good at preventative care or helping people feel connected to the system and find the resources they need. I try to exemplify a more nurturing approach, both for my trainees and for families in the hospital. I want them to understand even the simplest things—like, “I’m going to take a look at your baby from head to toe.” I don’t even use the word “normal” in exams anymore because what is normal? It's subjective. I use “typical” instead and explain, “I just want to see if what I observe is in the range of what's typical for most babies.” And when you spend time in the nursery, you realize there’s a wide range of what’s typical.

As healthcare professionals, we can do a better job of being intentional about this. Now, every day, I go into work asking, “What family can I connect with today? What can I learn? Can I help one family today?” That human connection excites me and makes me look forward to work. Especially in the NICU, where babies may be there for months—growing, maturing—because they’re often premature. We can be that safe, stable, nurturing presence for families. You all must feel this too, in a community NICU. I think it’s harder in an academic NICU with so many rotating providers. But in a community setting, you really have the opportunity to be that consistent source of support for families—and that can help them grow and thrive as parents.

Ben Courchia:What’s extremely interesting about the book is how it demystifies the framework often involuntarily imposed on parents about what “proper parenting” or “proper bonding” should look like. That creates a kind of roadmap in parents’ minds—but when things don’t go according to plan, there’s tremendous angst. Especially with social media feeding them idealized narratives. The book does a great job of shedding that burden, helping parents understand that bonding will happen in the moment through a two-way relationship. Sometimes babies are very demanding: “Feed me, change me.” But there’s a communication happening. That bond grows over time through the interaction of needs, communication, and responses. How did you come to this more progressive view of bonding—beyond the cookie-cutter ideas we often see on Pinterest boards?

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MD:Social media often shows the ideal. When people post pictures of their babies and homes, it all looks perfect—there’s a filter on everything. And we live in a commercialized society, where people feel like they can buy their way into a smoother newborn period. But the reality is that caring for a newborn is hard. It’s a 24/7 job, because newborns don’t have circadian rhythms. There’s nothing you can buy that will make it truly easier. Real life is messier and more complicated. And building a relationship with your baby might not be love at first sight. There are hormones, emotions, and often unexpected outcomes in delivery—especially in our world, where many families end up in the NICU unexpectedly. So we have to return to the core: this is a person you want to grow with, someone you’ll have a lifelong relationship with. The newborn period is fleeting—it passes in weeks. The fourth trimester lasts only up to three months. Then it’s gone. You hear parents say it’s “the longest, shortest time.” And they’re right. One day, that baby becomes an adult—the adult you’ll spend time with as you grow older. Thinking about the qualities you want that adult to have can help you get through those demanding early days.

I wouldn’t say my thoughts are “progressive”—I really just looked to the science of early relational health, which is a growing field. It’s something we need to pay more attention to in neonatology, because it sets the foundation for how a child’s brain develops and how they interact with the world. An intentional, loving parent doesn’t have to get everything right. Just trying to make that connection shapes the brain. And babies—while rapidly developing—already show temperament and personality traits on day one. That can be daunting, but also exciting. You get to learn about this new person—someone who will always know you. Unlike other relationships, where you slowly build trust over time, with your baby, you’re just thrown into it. That makes it a very unique and powerful relationship. Each child is an individual. Even if you think you’re one kind of parent, your parenting will shift based on each child. I want parents to feel like they have permission to pause their busy lives and really get to know the person they’ve created.

Ben Courchia:Thank you for that. When I started reading the book, I wondered, “Is this a book for me as a parent, or for me as a clinician?” And I was pleasantly surprised to find it was highly relevant for both. My wife and I welcomed a baby a year ago, and I’m also a neonatologist. The book had so many ideas I could take straight to the bedside. Like helping parents understand that bonding can be delayed in the NICU. That it's not gone—it’s just delayed. And we, as clinicians, can serve as that bridge, helping normalize the delay and just let them know it’s a different timeline. We often label parents as “difficult,” but your book made me reflect that many of them are simply frustrated that they can’t bond with their baby the way they imagined. Reinforcing that this is a delay, not a failure, can make all the difference. How difficult—or easy—was it to write this book while making it compelling for both parents and expert clinicians?

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MD:That was the key: I wanted it to be approachable for everyone. Narrative was so important. Telling stories increases accessibility. I'm glad you felt it resonated as both a doctor and a parent. I wrote the book over 18 months. When I signed the contract with the American Academy of Pediatrics, I found out I was pregnant in the same week. They usually give you 12 months, but I asked for 18. I dedicated the book to my third child, Zelda, because I was pregnant with her during most of the writing. She was very much wanted—just not exactly planned at that moment. But the timing worked out that she was present for this whole bonding experience, which was kind of fun. I really was trying to be so much more intentional with this third child about how my relationship was going to be with them. I had been talking to a lot of other parents about how they tried to do that. And that's how I came up with the concept of the “vision board for your baby.” I liken a scientific method to my vision boards. I took a Harvard Business Review article that looked at four different facets of happiness, I think they were success, legacy, achievement, and I'm forgetting my fourth quartile. I took a very scientific approach to the vision board, which you could see in the book. And that was really therapeutic for me to think about. Not just about how the delivery was gonna go and what I hoped for in the delivery; I had had two vaginal deliveries and I really wanted the third one to be a vaginal delivery and was hopeful for that, and wanting to get to term, because when you're a neonatologist, you think about that all the time.

Writing the book was cathartic. It helped me reflect on who this child might be, how I would recognize her, communicate with her. And we can talk about strategies for communicating with babies—it’s obviously very different from how we communicate with adults or older kids. It also made me think about the qualities I want my children to grow up with. I have two daughters. In the U.S., when you have daughters, you think about their futures a little differently. My first daughter is more introverted, an internal processor. When she was a baby, people often said, “She’s so pretty,” and because she was quiet, that was seen as a good thing. But I realized that’s not the only type of woman I want her to be. So I’ve spent more time nurturing her voice and helping her grow into the kind of person I hope she becomes. She's very extroverted at home. So we’ve been working to help her feel the same confidence she feels inside the house to help her express them outside of the house. I think having multiple children and then writing this book and being able to reflect on it really helped me in my parenting too.

Daphna Yasova Barbeau, MDLove that. And just to Ben's point, my takeaway as a neonatal health professional is that I really liked the simple tips. Maybe you'll find a way to make printables, but I liked the tips on getting to know your baby while taking care of yourself. I think that's something we not only can do in the NICU and nursery. We actually have an obligation to do that, because the real takeaway from the book is that healthy parents make healthy babies. We need to focus on parental mental health for the best outcomes and bonding. If we're not taking care of parents in the NICU, they won't be their best selves. I think we can incorporate that into our practice.

I know we're short on time, and you mentioned something earlier that I think people listening might wonder—like, "Can I write a book? Can I write an op-ed? Can I post on the internet?" I think somewhere along the way, doctors got the message that we shouldn't be writing things for the public. I think that’s a mistake, and a lot of people in neonatology are saying, “We can do this—and do it in a way that empowers parents and is rooted in evidence.”

But not everyone feels that way yet. I wanted to ask how you prepared to tackle some touchy subjects—like birth plans or home births—where people might avoid the topic to avoid conflict. But you had some very important things to say that respect parents' goals, hopes, and wishes. So what recommendations do you have for navigating those sensitive topics?

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MDI had someone I work with—a doula and a social worker—see a copy of the book, and they thanked me for including something about home birth and recognizing it. A lot of neonatologists, like you said, don’t even want to touch that subject. But I consider myself a realist, and in reality, patients are thinking about these things. They’re getting information online and wondering about it. I’d rather they come to me with questions and be open about what they're considering so they can get solid medical advice.

When I was younger, I thought my job as a doctor was to change people’s habits and beliefs. I’ve moved away from that. Now, I see my role as providing evidence-based, informed information that comes from a caring place so people can make the best decisions for themselves.

I’m hopeful that people will develop better media literacy—so they can evaluate sources and understand the motivations behind certain content. But if healthcare professionals don’t step up and participate in the discourse, we’re going to lose patients and families to the other side—the louder side, which doesn’t have accountability or fact-checking. Even “fact-checking” is now a controversial term. But the other side lacks a caring approach to scientific information, scientific progress, and empowering individuals with good information. So we, as healthcare professionals, should be putting out good information, empowering families to find it, and addressing their concerns. There’s a great article in The Lancet about medical misinformation that discusses the emotional determinants of health. It asks, where is this patient coming from emotionally? What’s guiding their decisions? I think that’s such a powerful concept, especially for parents making medical decisions for their babies. At the end of the day, we both want what’s best for the baby. We might not always agree—but we’re working toward the same goal.

Ben CourchiaExactly. You’re talking about disinformation and fact-checking, and I 100% agree. The core issue is that a lot of this information out there doesn’t have the person’s best interest at heart. That’s where the dissonance lies—we think this is information for us, but in truth, it often works against us. You do a phenomenal job in the book recentering that message and being a voice of reason—one that’s evidence-based and focused on people’s wellbeing.

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MDI think the three of us have talked about engagement in communications, and I’m excited for us to develop a “pyramid of engagement” to help explain different ways physicians can get involved with media. Media is everywhere now, and it can be a powerful tool for physicians to influence public health. I hope more people get involved. Anyone who wants to talk about writing a book—please reach out. I’d be really excited to share more about the process.

Daphna Yasova Barbeau, MDYes! I think that lowers the bar to entry. There’s no reason people can’t start sharing information now—it’s so easy to do. I think my last question is this: I found the book very friendly, which is clearly by design. That’s your personality coming through. I worry that when physicians write for parents, they feel they need to sound very clinical and professional. But I think that can be a mistake. What was so artful about the book was that you sounded like a friend having coffee, but with the authority of your medical expertise. Can you talk about tone—how we come across when writing for parents?

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MDI’m like the really intense friend to have coffee with. I think in medical training, we’re taught to bottle our emotions. We see a lot of things in medicine that are hard to process and contextualize. I remember as a trainee bottling my feelings and not really addressing them. I could’ve been better about that. But now I’m heartened to see that the residents and medical students I work with are much more aware of their emotional and mental health. I’m hopeful that we’ll continue allowing doctors to be human—how they practice, how their schedules are built, and how we recognize the demands of the job. We need to inject more humanity into the way we practice medicine. Influencers online seem so approachable and form these parasocial relationships, even while giving bad information.

I want doctors and healthcare professionals to know it’s okay to be human. In fact, it’s healthier—for both you and the families you care for. Of course, we need boundaries so you can protect yourself and your personal life, and that’s another conversation. But so much of our training taught us to suppress our humanity, and we need to bring that back. Families want to know us and know that we care. When we share information, it should help their babies grow and thrive.

Ben CourchiaI couldn’t agree more. And I think that following your example—putting pen to paper—is a great way of opening up in a thoughtful, controlled way. It lets us share what we have to say without being limited by social media character counts or short video clips.

Joanna, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. The Baby Bonding Book: Connecting with Your Newborn is out now, as of May 20th. You can get it on the American Academy of Pediatrics website or on Amazon. It’s available in paperback and ebook. We highly recommend it. If you’re an AAP member, you may get a discount on the AAP site. Congratulations, Joanna. It’s a great book, and I know it’s going to be shared widely in our NICU.

Joanna Parga-Belinkie, MDThank you so much, guys. It was such a pleasure to chat with you today.